“Wow, I never realized I had four lights in my ceiling,” is not exactly the thought anyone really wants to have whilst having intercourse, but alas, it was the one I had. He was a very nice boy, an acting major, tall, considerate, with the darkest brown hair I’d ever seen, so why wasn’t I looking at it? He was good too, didn’t mind the cry of my twin sized bed, didn’t mind the roommates gossiping outside about who got into which shows, didn’t mind that my mind was anywhere but between his legs.
I caught myself, several times, told myself, make sure you’re making the appropriate noises, make sure he thinks you’re into it, make sure you breathe into his ear when his lips are on your neck, make sure. I couldn’t though, I just, couldn’t. The boy was trying everything in the textbook, every kiss, every bite, everything and all I could really think about, other than not hurting his pride, was if I had already finished my left over dinner from two nights prior. I had made a beautiful pasta dish with pieces of sliced chicken breast, homemade tomato sauce, some fresh mozzarella cheese, it sounded so appetizing, but I wasn’t having sex with a bowl of penne. Though, I might as well have.
I felt terrible. Had I been feeling this way for the past several weeks? Did it just come up now? Had I been trying to deny the lack of physical chemistry as a type of coping mechanism that was choosing now to keep me from ejaculating? I truly didn’t know. It was one of the only times I was hoping something other than my mind would explode. Pretty rotten lay, neither of us got off, and we spent the remainder of the time holding each other, bare, making conversation about summer internships, obnoxious friends, and musicals. Eventually I told him I had too much work and should probably get started on finishing at least something tonight. He reluctantly put a pair of gray fruit of the loom boxer briefs on, followed by ripped black jeans, and some ironic t-shirt. I thought to myself, he’s got a nice ass and I could continue this for a while if I made the choice to ignore how I really felt. But I didn’t want to do that. In fact, I never want to do that, it’s not fair to either party.
So, I ended things with him the next day claiming that I was too busy, and wouldn’t be there for him as much as I knew I wanted to be. Which wasn’t completely false, but, whatever. The point is, I like being a lover, and as good of an actor as I am, it’s a role that is assigned to you, not one to be auditioned for. As much as I wish people could fully choose who they lusted over, my experience with Mr. Perfect, tall, and hung taught me, you just can’t, and that most of time, people want to be on the other end, chasing, giving, letting someone else say yes to them. I’m not saying it’s right, but in my experience, just the way it is. All I want is someone who can keep me from wanting to fuck a bowl of pasta, is it too much to ask?
Did you drown me down for a month with cheap beer? Or is that what it takes for you to forget that I’m not here?
I think I’m done with lustful behavior, only fair that I ask you. If you feel like something is missing at daybreak and if it’s me next to you.
I wrote In the Morning through many late nights over two years ago trying to answer the question of what comes after one particular person’s laughter ends. Actually, I had several questions I wanted the answers to. Someone can make you feel perfectly and excitedly isolated one night, and then painfully ignored and unwanted the following morning only to ask you to come over again after midnight. What’s worse? Letting someone treat you unfairly for the fleeting hours in between when the reality of your circumstance is forgotten in favor of the sublime ecstasy of someone’s hold, touch, and love.
I never knew how to abhor redundancy until I finished writing this song. I wanted to see who someone really was after the laughs faded, the high sobered, and the night brightened. In refusing to show me that side it took me a minute to realize that with every drunken text and every desperate call that’s exactly what this person was doing. Showing me their incapability and unwillingness to take me and my time seriously. You can’t expect someone to respect those things if you accept disrespect as a form of love.
Eventually, I didn’t have to. Armed with an anthem and my truth I had more than enough confidence to close one chapter and look toward and newer and healthier one. In essence that’s what I want the takeaway from In the Morning to be. You deserve to be loved by someone who is ready to love. The longer you wait to get away from someone who isn’t, the harder it will be. Pledge allegiance to yourself and don’t let anyone make you feel like you aren’t worth waking up next to.
Shout out to Harrison Poe who came up with the beautiful synth melody, Charlie Brite for recording and producing this throwback track, and to the many friends who have help support this particular song. I also would like to thank Mel Lin for shooting the single artwork cover, such a fun and laid-back shoot that I think captured the inner frustration of the song. This one’s got teeth and a lot more related content to be released alongside the record. I can’t wait to share even more! Thank you to everyone who has streamed and bought this one already, it means the world to me!
I’d like to start by writing that I can’t tell if this is really happening. I’ve dreamed about making music, telling stories, and finding unique ways to combine my passions for years. Now it seems as though I’m finally getting the chance to pursue this fantasy and for that I feel like the luckiest boy alive.
A music video like many things in life doesn’t just come to fruition without the help of others. I’d like to thank Hampus Wahlin, the director, editor, and overall supporter for dedicating his time, professionalism, and artistic talents to this video. He’s been a part of this musical project from the very beginning. Without him I’d still be writing songs on my acoustic guitar alone at two in the morning with no intention of sharing them with the world. We did it buddy, time to get on with the next one!
To one of the most prolific cinematographers I know, Brandon Le thank you for never saying no and always going the extra mile. From using an Alexa on this video, to building a light rig in a hundred-year-old house, to shooting me naked next to an abandoned railroad track I’m astonished to think about where we’ve been and even more excited to see where we’ll go.
To my right-hand woman Vic, the only person I know who has mastered the art of wearing multiple hats at once what would I do without you? The actor, the writer, the assistant-director, and of course the humanitarian. You don’t see problems, tribulations, or roadblocks. You only see solutions. It was a blessing to have you on this set and I can’t wait to have you on the next one.
To my crew, Gabe, Orlando, John, Zach, & Rudy I know it wasn’t easy pulling such a complicated multiple location shoot off. At the end of the semester no less, however, that’s exactly what each one of you did. Building camera dollies, adjusting lighting, pulling focus, color grading, and so much more in between you all made this video look flawless and I can’t thank you enough.
To my actors, where do I even begin. I came up with an idea of being a make-shift cupid who brought people closer together through communication. A pretty broad and ambiguous idea, and yet each one of you hopped on board, cleared your schedules, waited in between takes, and gave it your everything. The audience may be lucky to get to see your performances, but I feel even luckier knowing that I have a whole team of talented, capable, and professional actors who were willing to put up with my antics and trust in the vision of such a quirky video. To Antoinette, Maxx, Evan, Jordan, Justin, Santiago, and my love Ido, thank you for your time, your talent, and your patience. I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed working with you!
I want to thank my family for believing in my music and artistic vision. Not too many people can say they have the support from their families that I do and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t appreciate it, acknowledge it, and remain grateful for it.
Shout out to my musical partner in crime Harrison Poe and the man behind the music Austin Armstrong. Without the song there’d be no video!
No go out and spread love through words, actions, and existence. This video hopefully shows that we’ve all got the ability to snap our fingers to get back on track with the ones we love and the ones we’ve forgotten how to understand.